Stress – Thoughts From The Middle of Nowhere

I received this in an e-mail yesterday and thought I was going to die laughing. Thought I would share. The emphasized ones really apply to me. n nYou Know you are a Stressed-Out Rancher When: n n*You start talking to your dog in the front seat — asking for advice. n n*Somebody mentions drinking from the bottle — you think of Maalox. n n*You wake up at 3 a.m. and wonder if you have time to brew a cup of coffee before getting started. n n*You have an attack of road rage, between your house and the barn. n n*Your favorite horse starts to act like a horse with 20 days because you have sent enough mixed signals in the last 15 minutes to undue six years of training. n n*You sit in your favorite recliner for the first time in months, and watch TV for a couple of hours — too tired to get up and turn it on. n n*Every calf you see sunning itself is immediately assumed to be dead. n n*You arrive at a social event and elect to sit in the driveway until the market report is over, even though you don't have any fats to market for 60 days. n n*You entertain thoughts of a total dispersion and doubling your herd size at the very same time. n n*Your wife suggests you take up chewing again, after persistently asking you to stop for 15 years prior to you finally quitting. n n*You take your wife's advice, buy a can of chew and find out you can't open the darn thing because you no longer have fingernails. n n*You put in a 40-hour week — every day. n n*You can recall the morning when ol' "810" was born, but have to call your mother to find out when your anniversary is and how long you've been married.